A letter of life

I am writing because I believe it is important. I feel its nice because I can get so much out. There is so much I could tell you. I am sure this will just scratch the surface. So, I needed to share that I am in a relationship and it’s hard because I have this immense passion for you but I am also genuinely happy to be on talking terms because you have been one of thee biggest impacts of my life, and I love you and always will love you. I don’t want to be unfaithful to my relationship. I cried for you for years. I had not given anyone a shot for 5 years. When I last saw you, it had to be the most emotional experience of my entire life, I have never cried like that (let alone in public) since. You are beautiful in so many ways. I felt for you when your dad passed.

Your energy sustains me. You gave me so much purpose, I can’t express my gratitude towards you. I miss you. I just gave someone else a chance, I had waited so long for you. I hope you can forgive me. We literally just closed on a house together the beginning of September. Right before you messaged me. I don’t know what to think. Part of me wants to tell you all about the relationship but I feel you may not want to hear it. It’s not all ups. Everything is nice and all but sometimes I feel really cold and only thing in the world can warm me up.

Your love has sustained me, I danced for 3 years and had not even a thought of love for anyone else. I didn’t waste any time, I owe you for so much of it. I just worked when I got back to Ashland. I just worked worked worked, I had a little fun along the way. But I busted butt. I started part time at Fastenal doing deliveries and sweeping floors. And I am about to go risk a 120k salary on the opportunity to do my own thing.

You know what? I am so tired of society sometimes. All this high priced stuff, all these ‘things to do’, all this ‘stuff to buy’. All I really want is to just have the time and space to spend with the people I love and to focus on my work. I even thought of going somewhere near home too, because family is really nice. The way we came to look at life was so remarkable, I felt that there were so many aspects that were undeniably healthy, and are the way I want to continue living my life. I’m so tired of this consumerism that I feel I am being suffocated by. I miss the long conversations. I miss when I didn’t have to have an excuse to go hang out with someone. I miss just hanging out with people without needing to ‘do something’. I’m scared because sometimes I feel like my life isn’t what I want it to be. I miss not having to count pennies around people. Sometimes I feel suffocated.

I remember getting that band member to sign your shirt at the concert. I remember you making that amazing corned beef. I feel my memory serves me right. My memories feel as though they were yesterday, i can hear, see, taste and touch. Where does that leave me?

I want to make a difference in the world Tierney. I miss you and love you to the end of the world and back. It just fills me with joy to hear your voice. I need to make my shot count, I spent the last year preparing to go independent. There’s nothing else I can wait for. I don’t need much to survive.

I am writing this now during the early hours of Thursday. It was so nice to hear from you a few weeks ago when I was in Chicago. Very surreal, I loved bathing in nostalgia and tip toeing into feelings that I haven’t expressed in quite some time. It’s interesting because I feel like I am the wildfire and the firefighter at the same time. As we talked throughout the last few weeks, I could see that fire burning bigger. I need to consider where that line is, where I become unfaithful. I don’t want to feel like I am hiding something from my partner. I don’t like to break promises, that is one of the worse feelings ever. I just want to be honest. I felt like you were pulling back these last few days, perhaps it’s because the firefighter in me had to calm the flames. Either way, I wanted to be upfront with you, because that’s what makes me feel good, I don’t want to leave things bumbled up.

You know? I thought about it for a second, but I think I am going to send this without scrolling up and proof reading it. I am just writing as I am thinking. You are remarkable, you are energy, you are strength, you are beauty. Don’t believe anyone that tells you otherwise.

Whispering Pines, I can’t bare the thought of not having your childhood pics passed on because we did not do anything about it. This is the perfect time, if you give me permission, I will do my very best to get it done.

hmm, I just thought of an idea, it’s kind of late, but maybe I can host this. Okay I am going to stop writing, to see if I can pull this off before tomorrow. You make me feel alive.

You are so beautiful; I only wish I could read this to you in person. I got the letter online, YAY!!. I kept getting ideas to add more details.. It was suppose to be www.pearl-bracelet.space; however, I am waiting for the DNS records to update and it may take another day for them to route my site to the correct domain. I could turn this page to anything we wanted.

oofta, that was a lot. I've got to sleep, you are probably going to be getting up for work in a couple hours. I could go on endlessly of the ways you make me feel. I grew up with you, I feel this connection with you. I will never forgot the moment I first spoke with you, all of the firsts I have had with you. hopefully I didn't go overboard with everything i've said, but you only live once. You are amazing and I love you, and that will definietely never change. I really want to keep writing, but for now, I must sleep. Good Night.